Never In a Million Years Am I Buying You That

I got an evite to a bridal shower yesterday. I hate showers and will do most anything to get out of going to one, but I pretty much have to show up at this one. I'll feel guilty if I don't, because I'm guessing that the turnout will be fairly low.

I know that customs have changed since I got married 30 years ago, but I have to say that I think a lot of them have changed for the worst.

The young woman in question is registered at Kohl's, a low-end department store. Whatever--it's her wedding.

I went online to check out her stuff.

An oven mitt for $6

A potholder for $4

A Fiesta Gusto Bowl for$10.99 What the fuck is a Gusto Bowl?

There was a paper towel holder and two wooden spoons.

Jesus palomino--this is the one time in your life you get to ask rich older people to buy you shit and you ask for a fucking $5 wooden spoon?

I don't get it.

No crystal. No silver. No nice pottery. No china. Not even a candlestick holder.

I understand that you might not want all the fancy stuff, but at least aim a little higher that a wooden spoon. I mean are you going to spend your life eating off of Chinet with plastic forks?

Yes, I know. I am an old-fashioned snob.

But I can set a helluva table.