Saturday, February 19, 2011

Never In a Million Years Am I Buying You That

I got an evite to a bridal shower yesterday. I hate showers and will do most anything to get out of going to one, but I pretty much have to show up at this one. I'll feel guilty if I don't, because I'm guessing that the turnout will be fairly low.

I know that customs have changed since I got married 30 years ago, but I have to say that I think a lot of them have changed for the worst.

The young woman in question is registered at Kohl's, a low-end department store. Whatever--it's her wedding.

I went online to check out her stuff.

An oven mitt for $6

A potholder for $4

A Fiesta Gusto Bowl for$10.99 What the fuck is a Gusto Bowl?

There was a paper towel holder and two wooden spoons.

Jesus palomino--this is the one time in your life you get to ask rich older people to buy you shit and you ask for a fucking $5 wooden spoon?

I don't get it.

No crystal. No silver. No nice pottery. No china. Not even a candlestick holder.

I understand that you might not want all the fancy stuff, but at least aim a little higher that a wooden spoon. I mean are you going to spend your life eating off of Chinet with plastic forks?

Yes, I know. I am an old-fashioned snob.

But I can set a helluva table.


  1. "this is the one time in your life you get to ask rich older people to buy you shit and you ask for a fucking $5 wooden spoon?"

    When I got married, my husband and I were older and had already acquired perfectly nice house stuff. But I spent some of our wedding $ on the nicest, most luxurious bedding. Now every night, in my mind I'm sleeping at the Four Seasons.

  2. I know a great deal of my friends never registered for China or anything like that because they sets from a great grandmother or something.

    The new thing now is to register for a honeymoon and people can buy like "day two breakfast" or something. Spa treatments and massages. I think it's a nice idea for some people, but I would hate honeymooning on a strict schedule.

    Weddings are dumb.

  3. Weddings are not only dumb, as Rassles says, but worse than Christmas for their mix of sickly romanticism and cut throat materialism.

  4. I'm going to register for a vacation/spa/honeymoon somewhere and send out invites for people to help pay for it.
    Hell, I'll even bake a cake (and pumpkin muffins) and have a little party if that helps it happen.

  5. Also, I like it when a couple registers for something like a couch. I'd bake pumpkin muffins and have a party for new furniture too.

  6. Hell Mongo, if anyone needs a spa vacation, it is me and I'm going to ship my kids down there to you and Mr. Mongo for the duration of my vacation. Just feed them pumpkin muffins until they fall off into a sugar coma.

    Elder, maybe these foolish young kids have evolved to a higher level of consciousness where Chinet is preferred to China or maybe Rassles is right and weddings are dumb. Either way, I feel like a snob. But who am I to judge when I used to dream of living in a double-wide trailer?

  7. Hysterical, Zen!
    If your kids come here I will only feed them pumpkin muffins at night to get that coma going. Otherwise? It'll be a pot of coffee each first thing every morning so they can clean lots of stalls and be used to break out green horses! ha ha Kidding kidding. I'd only make them do the stall cleaning part.

  8. Ruby--Having a had a hissy fit at the state of my linen closet just a couple of hours ago, I am jealous of your bedding. I'm throwing every worn out sheet away and replacing them as soon as humanly possible.
    Rass-It's funny that I like this stuff because I am definitely one of those who values experiences more than stuff. Otherwise I wouldn't travel as much. But I like the stuff that connects me with the other women in my family.
    Cat--I wouldn't go so far as to say they're dumb, but the money people spend on them is obscene. I think the average here in the U.S. is up to about 20 grand.
    Mongo--Just let me know which resort you choose and there's a check with your name on it. And it's like there's two extremes--the $5 spoon and the $5,000 couch.
    Zen--you come right on down here and we'll polish silver and drink iced tea out some really cool old crystal.