Because I have something really important to tell you.
Last Friday, at about 9:30 a.m. ...
I shit in my pants.
Literally.
At work.
I thought that just a little fart was going to come out. But it was a little more than that.
I race-walked to the bathroom and examined the damage.
Shit. In my drawers.
Took 'em off and stuffed 'em in the little silver box.
Now you have to understand that I am not the kind of girl who goes around without underwear. But for the rest of the day, that's what I did.
By the time I got home I had a raging case of what I can only assume was diaper rash.
O - M - G I thought I was the one to throw down shocking and startling confessions. You are cracking my ass up - very bad pun intended.
ReplyDeleteThe exact same thing happened to me, right down to the disposing of my panties in the feminine napkin container. I just keep hearing the jingle in my head, sing it with me - Activiaaaa.
Should we also talk about how we pee when we sneeze? We're moments away from farting in public, I just know it.
I'm so fuckin' hysterical right now that I can hardly type.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe you didn't call me the moment this happened. Of all people, you should know I am in need of being informed immediately whenever someone sharts.
(That's what it's called, you know. What you did = sharting.)
Sharter.
ReplyDeleteSharty-shart-shart-shart.
ReplyDeleteCan we change your name to "Sharta"? Kind of like "Marta", but better?
ReplyDeleteOK, now I'm on the part about what you could only assume was diaper rash.
ReplyDeleteI am so hysterical over THAT part that I almost peed my pants.
Now that's a differently topic entirely, pee pee pants.
I am going to post about it immediately.
Ok so surprisingly, you are the second person today to tell me you recently shat your pants. Apparently there is a nasty little sneaky stomach bug going around. My friend at work shart in the middle of a evening spanish class she is taking with her husband, excused herself, did a little undie throw away and ity bity jean clean up and then bravely went back and finished out the last 30 minutes of class. But you finished the day right? Good for you not to let a little shit ruin your day, your bvds maybe but not your day.
ReplyDeleteAnd then there's "shat". Thank you FF. Yet another of my favorite words.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, I've never shat my pants. I also know that it is highly unlikely that I will get through life without shitting my pants as an adult. So, you know, I'm on guard.
ReplyDeleteThe thing about sharts is that they sneak up on you. Naturally, you'll be wearing your favorite undies when this happens.
ReplyDeleteDear Sharta,
ReplyDeleteI would like to be informed if you ever shit the bed.
I would then change your name to Fred.
As in, "Shit the bed Fred."
That's all -
MG