My husband and I have what most would call, and unusual relationship with his ex wife. They married when she was 18 and he got her pregnant. He wanted to do "the right thing" and she's the type of person who just wants to be loved and can never be by herself. So they got married and their son was born. 3 weeks later, he was shipped off to Iraq. They were married for 3 and a half years and it ended when she asked for a divorce because she had fallen in love with someone else while he was in Iraq. After time, he's learned to forgive her. She got married way too young, and he knows they weren't meant to be together.
During the time that Ghost and I "dated", she was completely opposed to the very idea of me. When she found out that I was moving here, she threw a hissy fit. I can't say I completely blame her either. She didn't know me and I was going to be an integral part of her son's life. And on the other side of the table, I didn't like her at all. She wasn't as interested in her son as I thought she should be, she moved from guy to guy and fell head over heels in love with each one, she was all up in Ghost's shit everyday and was always asking him for help. This annoyed me.
Then I moved here and the day after, met the ex. I was not impressed to say the least. She walked in my front door like she owned the place, sat down on MY barstools and started eating her lunch. I felt like grabbing her hair and saying, "who the fuck do you think you are"? But I played it cool and just smiled and tried to get to know her. Over the next few months I realized, she's not a horrible person, she just has NO self esteem.
She would come over to our house at least 2 times a week and hang out with us. She invited me places with her family, and her friends. Sometimes I went, sometimes I didn't. But she showed me kindness when I knew no one here. She was willing to share herself and her friends with me and happily. Sure, sometimes it's weird. When she goes into detail on her and my husband's sex life I get a little creeped out. Who wouldn't? And it's not always rainbows and butterflies. When she gets mad about something, she flips out. I mean when its good, its good. But when its bad, its BAD.
But overall, I'm so thankful that we found a way to make it work. All 3 of us. It's so rare that a relationship like ours works. Who else can say that their current husband's ex wife comes over at least 3-4 times a week now and occasionally spends the night when we've all had too much to drink? Best of all, she supports me and my role as step mother to her son. She doesn't disagree when she's over here and I discipline him or tell him yes, you can have that extra snack that probably has too much sugar. She takes my daughter over to her house for sleepovers to give my husband and I a much needed break. She holds my newborn every time she comes over and gives her so much love and begs to have her for a sleepover too.
It's a weird concept for everyone else. But for us? It works.