The reason I am not a highly acclaimed published author is because of the demands of my three children and husband.
The reason I am not a highly acclaimed published author is because I am lazy and spend more time playing Plants Versus Zombies on my Ipod then doing any real work that will further my goals.
The reason I am not a highly acclaimed published author is because I have only a modicum of talent, like a person who can carry a tune in the church choir versus Annie Lennox.
The reason I am not a highly acclaimed published author is because I get so wrapped up in perfecting something that I lose momentum.
The reason I am not a highly acclaimed published author is because I lose momentum because I have no self-discpline.
The reason I am not a highly acclaimed published author is because I am also afraid of success and maybe if I do it once, I will never be able to do it again and it will be disappointing.
The reason I am not a highly acclaimed published author is because I spend too much time thinking about my motives to be a highly acclaimed published author, the obstacles inherent in trying to be a highly acclaimed published author and it makes me too mentally tired to try to be said highly acclaimed published author.
The reason I am not a highly acclaimed published author is because I make silly, pointless lists detailing why I'll never be a highly acclaimed published author.
A beautifully written post from someone who is a highly acclaimed author, at least around these parts. The part about self-discipline and fear resonate the most with me.
ReplyDeleteI got a message from the universe (via email) that said, what would you do today, if you knew I'd glean from the slightest of your moves, whether or not you believe in life's magic, so that I could prove you right?
Maybe we just have to make "slight" moves for now.
"The reason I am not a highly acclaimed published author is because..." you are reading this list in 2010. Come back later. We'll laugh that this list ever got made.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys, really. It was one of those whiny things I thought I better commit to paper to shake off. I wanted to blame my kids and all the mom stuff but sat and thought about the obstacles being the same--me.
ReplyDeleteI was using you guys like AA or therapy, figuring if I said it out loud to someone, it would rob it of it's power over my thoughts.
The reason you are not a published author is because...okay, well you beat me to the punch on that last one, ass. Arg.
ReplyDeleteThe reason I'm not a highly...wait...how do you spell acclaimed? Two C's? One? Shit.
ReplyDeleteSee. That's the entire problem.
Not really.
I'm just trying to find a way to avoid dealing with the fact that I have absolutely NO discipline when it comes to writing.
None.
I checked in here last night and the one and only thing I could see was the word 'Excuses' and the photo of the old typewriter keys.
It caused me to have an entire conversation with myself about that lack of discipline thing.
And now your post, Ruby.
Thanks.
Fuck.
I read interviews with "highly acclaimed published authors" who liken writing to eating or breathing--it's something that they would die without. For me, it's just a job, albeit an indoor job with no heavy lifting. I'm glad that it's what I get to do (although somedays it's "have to" instead of get to), but without that life or death feeling, I get the feeling that "highly acclaimed" is not in my cards.
ReplyDeleteI am my own worst enemy when it comes to why I'm not published, ahem, I mean why I'm not making any steps in the direction that a published author would. I just won't let myself try. Sad, really.
ReplyDelete