Here's a question--how do you get rid of grudges? How do you let go of the nagging voice in your head recalling all the bad things "they" have ever said?
I let my sister go once I gave up hope. Shocking because there is always hope right? I gave up hope she would ever change. I could mostly stop being pissed. In time I can even look bad and remember the love I felt for her.
I wish yup much strength and hope you find peace to your situation.
I try to remember that most of the shitty things I have said or done were absent the intent of hurting another, or because of insecurity or an immature lack of compassion, or a judgmental attitude learned over time from my mother, her sisters and their mother, my grandmother. I try to remember that it has taken me a decade to unlearn just a fraction of that and it will take the rest of my life,if I'm lucky, to shed the rest, piece by piece. This awareness of my own fallibility helps me at least try to be empathetic when someone else poops all over my parade.
That being said, I am still intermittently wound up in my own perceived fabulousness now and then, and I have big, gaping holes in my compassionate heart. And it is far easier for me to forgive the slights of people I have a little more emotional distance from than say for instance, my mother(although I am making progress on in that vein).
Ok, so all that hot air to basically say, when someone does shitty stuff, it's likely their issue, not you.
with members of my family, i've had to accept that they will never change. i can't do anything to affect their behaviour, i can only manage my reaction to it.
it's taken a few years, but now when they say and do boneheaded things, it tends to bounce off me... they are still toxic. i am wearing kevlar.
It's about reaching a point where you realize the grudge is your burden, doing nothing to help your cause, harm the grudgee or even really distance yourself from the offending party because THE grudge, that very thing, is the tie that binds until YOU let it go.
Robin--Thank you for reading and for commenting. My older sister is one of the people I have a grudge against. We're polite on the surface, but her passive-aggressiveness is well-known in the family.
Rubes--I have to remind myself that those people are the unhappy ones, not me. I'm not perfect by a long shot, but my head is screwed on fairly well.
DF--that's genius--managing your reaction. I am going to adopt that philopsophy for my own. Thank you!
Rass--Do meter maids still exist? Are they all named Rita?
Zen--You and DF are two smart cookies. I will try to take your advice. Thank you for your insight.
I let my sister go once I gave up hope. Shocking because there is always hope right? I gave up hope she would ever change. I could mostly stop being pissed. In time I can even look bad and remember the love I felt for her.
ReplyDeleteI wish yup much strength and hope you find peace to your situation.
I try to remember that most of the shitty things I have said or done were absent the intent of hurting another, or because of insecurity or an immature lack of compassion, or a judgmental attitude learned over time from my mother, her sisters and their mother, my grandmother. I try to remember that it has taken me a decade to unlearn just a fraction of that and it will take the rest of my life,if I'm lucky, to shed the rest, piece by piece. This awareness of my own fallibility helps me at least try to be empathetic when someone else poops all over my parade.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I am still intermittently wound up in my own perceived fabulousness now and then, and I have big, gaping holes in my compassionate heart. And it is far easier for me to forgive the slights of people I have a little more emotional distance from than say for instance, my mother(although I am making progress on in that vein).
Ok, so all that hot air to basically say, when someone does shitty stuff, it's likely their issue, not you.
with members of my family, i've had to accept that they will never change. i can't do anything to affect their behaviour, i can only manage my reaction to it.
ReplyDeleteit's taken a few years, but now when they say and do boneheaded things, it tends to bounce off me... they are still toxic. i am wearing kevlar.
I only hold grudges against things like "the patriarchy" and "meter maids"
ReplyDeleteIt's about reaching a point where you realize the grudge is your burden, doing nothing to help your cause, harm the grudgee or even really distance yourself from the offending party because THE grudge, that very thing, is the tie that binds until YOU let it go.
ReplyDeleteElder here--blogger won't let me sign in.
ReplyDeleteRobin--Thank you for reading and for commenting. My older sister is one of the people I have a grudge against. We're polite on the surface, but her passive-aggressiveness is well-known in the family.
Rubes--I have to remind myself that those people are the unhappy ones, not me. I'm not perfect by a long shot, but my head is screwed on fairly well.
DF--that's genius--managing your reaction. I am going to adopt that philopsophy for my own. Thank you!
Rass--Do meter maids still exist? Are they all named Rita?
Zen--You and DF are two smart cookies. I will try to take your advice. Thank you for your insight.